How to Become More Confident (As a Man)

In a world where everyone obsesses over instant gratification, how can you become a more confident man today? I will share 4 ways that you can grow your confidence instantly and become a more confident man instantly.

Earlier today I noticed a pale looking, skinny man in his mid 20s waiting at a crosswalk. There were no cars in sight, but the crosswalk had it’s “Do Not Walk” sign lit up. He stood there, hunched over, with his hands in his pockets, and a look in his eyes that said, “I’m so shy, I wouldn’t ask for help if I was dying on the side of the road.”

As I walked up, I looked both ways, saw no cars in sight, and walked past him and to the other side of the street.

Do you know any guys like our scared friend from the crosswalk? Do you possess similar timid traits? Don’t worry. I used to be the same way.

Greats news though. You can become more confident today.

Here are the 4 ways that will show how you can become a more confident man today:

1 – Start Random Conversations (to become a more confident man)

We’re “educated” at a young age to sit in our desk seats and keep our mouths shut. “Don’t bother anyone,” our 1st grade teacher yelled.

Now we’re living in the real world, and to get anywhere in life you must, “bother” people.

Don’t think about it like you’re “bothering” anyone. Instead, replace “bother” with “adding value.”

Think about how often you’re bored. Realize that the people you encounter everyday, whether it’s in line at Starbucks, waiting in line at the grocery store, or the cashier at Target, are if anything, ten times more bored than you.

Start “adding value” to their lives by starting a conversation. They’re dying inside for someone to come along and say something interesting as they scan the next roll of toilet paper and place it inside the plastic Target bag.

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In this photo, I see tons of opportunities to start conversations and practice my skills.

If the cashier ignores your attempt to add value, who cares? You’re leaving the store and moving onto bigger and better things (including better random conversations). She’s stuck at Target placing more rolls of toilet paper into plastic white bags.

All you’re trying to do is get used to talking to people. The more you practice starting conversations with strangers, the better you will become.

You’ll quickly notice that by starting conversations with strangers, you bring smiles to their faces. The more you do this, the more your brain will recognize that the crap your 1st grade teacher taught you is BS.

IMPORTANT: Don’t think for one second that you only should start random conversations with hot girls. The people you talk to should include the dateless 300 pound girl, the grocery store stock boy with down syndrome, and even the guy picking bottles out of trash cans.

Consider these conversation to be your practice. Then when you encounter the slim, 20 year old, long haired blond, who’s wearing yoga pants so tight that it looks like someone spray painted her legs black, you’ll be experienced, confident, and charismatic.

Here’s examples of recent random conversations that I started:

– 50 year old African American woman working at a toll booth.

The car in front of me dropped their toll booth ticket on the ground between their car window and the toll booth. So, when it was my turn to pull up to the toll, the lady walked out of the booth, signaled to me not move forward, and picked up the ticket. When I got to her window, with a spark in my eye I said, “You didn’t’ have to get out like that. I was ready to pick it up for you.”

She smiled, laughed, and said, “Oh, you’re so sweet, thank you.” Then I zoomed off in my car. Value added.

– 75 year old widowed white grandma in front of me in line at the grocery store checkout.

She was from Arizona and in New York to visit her daughter. I commented on her choice of groceries by saying, “I thought I ate healthy, but now that I see your groceries I understand that I have a lot of improving to do.”

She laughed, and began instantly telling me about her plane trip from Arizona, the difference in the weather between New York and Arizona, and about how she plans to visit Niagara Falls with her daughter while she’s in town.

This woman was so happy to speak with me that I felt like a movie star.

After the cashier gave her the total amount owed, her early 40s, slim daughter, showing nice cleavage, and long brunette hair, walked up. After the daughter was handed her receipt, she looked me in my eye and said, “Thank you.”

Value added again.

Hall of fame baseball players sometimes spend half a dozen years playing in the minor leagues until they’re ready for the big time. Even when they’re entrenched in the big leagues, they still take batting practice everyday.

If you’re confidence is hurting, get a conversation going with the next person standing behind you in line at the post office, or the Starbucks barista handing you your coffee. You’ll see immediate improvement in your conversation skills and confidence.

2 – Take Small Risks (to become a more confident man)

Similar to how we’re taught early in life to never “bother” anyone, we’re also vigorously warned never to take any risks.

“What if you end up poor?” my mother constantly warned me when I wanted to continue building a football website (circa 2000).

Like a good boy, I listened to her warning and ended my website. Today, my buddy who operated a similar football website, is a millionaire.

You have to re-program your brain so it recognizes that risk taking is not only good, but it’s essential.

I don’t advise taking risks such as robbing banks, jumping off a bridge, or anything insane. Instead, I encourage risk taking like starting a new business, quitting your boring/dead-end job, or visiting a new country.

Before you can become truly comfortable taking risks, you have to train yourself by taking small risks. Examples of small risks that you can take everyday are:

– Order a new food that you’ve never eaten at a restaurant

– Go to a party where you don’t know anyone

– Attempt a new workout at the gym

– Wear a new style of clothing

– Drive a different route home (not knowing if it’ll get you there or not)

Take as many small risks as you can everyday. Then take at least one huge risk each week.

Here’s examples of weekly huge risks:

– Ask out the girl at the gym who’s doing squats and has an amazing ass

– Ask for a raise at work

– With little notice, travel to and attend a self development (or entrepreneurship) seminar

Some risks will work out. Other times, you’ll get lost on your commute back home. But that’s okay. I once hear Elliott Hulse in a YouTube video say, “No baseball player ever made it to second base by keeping his foot on first base.”

Get comfortable taking large risks by taking small risks every chance possible. You’re confidence will rise in no time.

3 – Model Someone Famous (to become a more confident man)

Do you think Lebron James ever watched video tape of Michael Jordan playing basketball?

To become the most confident person you can be, you must study and model established confident people.

I make no secret about my past. I used to walked hunched over so much that I appeared to be 2 inches shorter. I was constantly looking at the ground as the hump on the back of my neck and upper back grew larger.

I used to begin my conversations by saying, “Sorry to bother you..”

Then I started to pay attention to how successful people conducted themselves. I’m a fan of mixed martial arts so I took note of how Ultimate Fighting Championship president, Dana White speaks.

You can watch a YouTube video of Dana White speaking (Click Here to Watch).

As you can see, he speaks without hesitation. He says what’s on his mind. He doesn’t let anyone boss him around. He looks people in their eyes.

Next time you’re watching TV, watch how high level celebrities walk. I even pay attention to walks of  high status females, such as Ivanka Trump.

You can watch a YouTube video of Ivanka Trump’s walk (Click Here to Watch).

Going back to UFC, I also started to study how the fighters walked. Their heads are always up, and it looks like the back of their necks are attached to a kite that is flying in the sky.

Watch a YouTube video of Conor McGregor’s walk and his mannerisms (Click Here to Watch).

You should also observe how low level people conduct themselves. They’ll demonstrate what behaviors to stay away from.

All the time I see guys walking around aimlessly wearing jeans two sizes too big and no belt. They’re going to fall wherever the breeze of the wind happens to take them. In my mind, I’m thanking these guys. They’re showing me exactly how not to conduct myself.

Or take a look at politics (which I hate, but 2015/2016 showed us some great examples).

Whether you’re Donald Trump’s biggest fan or wish he was locked in prison, do yourself favor and take note of how he won.

Did you notice how ridgid and fake some of his challengers appeared. I couldn’t get over how fake Ted Cruz’s smile appeared each time he spoke during a debate. He had many great ideas, in my opinion, but I wouldn’t trust him to pay me back 10 cents.

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An example of learning from someone who models poor characteristics. See, Cruz’s fake smile.

Trump was free flowing. Love him or hate him, he was authentic. And guess what? He not only beat Cruz, but he also beat Hillary Clinton, who’s posture and smile reminded me of a female version of Cruz.

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Another example of poor traits that we can learn from. Hillary Clinton’s fake smile and enthusiasm teach us how not to act.

Everywhere you look, the environment is providing you with good and bad examples of people to model. Pay attention to both the winners and the losers in the world. Model what the winners do, and little by little, you’ll be a winner soon too.

4 – Celebrate Your Small Victories (to become a more confident man)

There’s a name for the type of person that says, “Don’t be too cocky.”

They’re losers. Don’t listen to them.

A motivational speaker once said, “Small victories build momentum throughout the day and lead to giant wins.”

It’s critical that you constantly think about your small (and giant) victories. Obviously, you’ll have more small victories.

I strongly encourage you to write down all of your victories in a journal or on paper before you go to bed.

You deserve to pat yourself on the back. This way, as you go to sleep you’ll be thinking about all of your successes from the day.

When you wake up, you need to immediately review your list of accomplishments from your previous day. This way, you’ll begin your day the same way you ended it – thinking about your victories.

Don’t make the fatal mistakes that I used to. Within seconds of my eyes opening, I would grab my smartphone, and my thumb would click on the blue Facebook app. My brain would take in all of the negative emotions from sea of losers. They’re silly and emotionally harmful posts included announcements such as these:

“Can you believe this stupid new law they made? We’re all f*cked now!”

“OMG more people murdered!”

“Everyone is racist”

Let the losers be losers. Nothing you can do will change that. You can, however, change what information you take in so that you do succumb to the same stupidity and mediocre (or even below mediocre) lives as them.

Keeping a journal of all your wins also helps in days when you’re not seeing a lot of success. Just go back and glance over your successes from previous days, months, and sometimes even years. It’s fun to look back and realize how far you’ve come.

Once you’ve become accustomed to writing down your wins each night, you’ll start to be on the lookout for victories during the day. I believe that many times you’re winning during the day, but you don’t realize it.

This way, when you win, you’ll stop and say, “Great job, me! Chalk up one more win for the good guys.”

Feel free to give yourself either a mental high five, or actually slap your right hand into your left hand. I usually pound my chest with my fist like I’m a gorilla.

Celebrate in whatever way works best for you. The key is just to make sure that you do celebrate.

Examples of some of my small wins are:

– Made eye contact with model looking 10

– Caught a great sale at the store

– Lifted 5 more pounds on my bench press than the week before

– Finished reading a great book

Remember – the more you celebrate your small victories, the more momentum that is built and the closer you are to major triumphs.

If you’re like the scared looking dude with his hands in his pockets at the crosswalk, or the old version of me who walked hunched over, realize that right now you can slam your laptop monitor down and start using the 4 techniques I discussed. You can become a more confident man today.

 

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