Why and How to Flirt with a Girl

I can understand why a guy would pound his fist on a table thinking about why men have to flirt with women. Couldn’t have God made the whole flirting dance easier? Why and how do you flirt with a girl?

An NFL quarterback can’t throw a touchdown pass if the center doesn’t snap him the ball. Similar for a girl, she can’t get on her knees and ride you like she’s in a rodeo unless you first make contact with her after you lay eyes on her, and proceed to flirt with her.

So much like a quarterback is going to study and know the team he’s throwing against, you need to understand what is going on inside the mind of a female that you intend to flirt with.

Here are 4 reasons why you have to flirt, and then how should proceed to flirt with her:

1) She’s Afraid

Imagine if you were sent to prison. The steel bars slam shut and you look around and a circle of men, all taller than 6’4, their muscles are ripped with veins popping out on their biceps, and their building chest muscles are pounding through their orange prison jumpsuits. How would that make you feel?

Now, imagine how a woman might feel if she’s approached by a suspicious looking man that she doesn’t know. Women are naturally smaller and physically weaker than men. They run the constant risk of being kidnapped, rapped, murdered, etc.

Trust me, I closer to being as rich as Bill Gates than I am being a feminist. But I also don’t want to live only having sex with my right hand. Understanding the the female mindset is a key component to getting her panties off.

How to Flirt:

Be comfortable with who you are. If you’re afraid, she’ll be afraid. If, however, you come as being comfortable with who you are and you’re not hiding anything, she’ll trust you because you trust yourself.

So, don’t feel nervous because you have your tongue pierced. If you own it, she’ll love it. Why would she trust you, if you’re trying to hide something?

Also, get her to laugh. Or at the very least, get her to smile. This way she associates you with fun and not danger.


2) Build Attraction/Rapport

Once you start thinking of “game” or flirting in the same terms as “sales” you’ll have a much better understanding. I’m lucky because I’ve spent several years cold calling and selling. Anyone that’s ever sold anything will tell you that’s it’s crucial to build rapport. People buy from people they like.

The flirting game is a dance that, when done correctly, puts her and you in your own “tiny world.”

Often when I flirt, I joke about someone we both can see.

Recently when I was flirting with a girl at a bar, there was this creepy looking bald guy with a beer belly, cargo shorts, and a Mickey Mouse t-shirt on.

I joked to her, “Hey, I think he likes you. Should I go over there and put in a good word for you?”

She smiled and laughed, and said, “I think he’s gay. And he wants you.”

We were in our own “little world” joking about something that only her and I would “get.”

How to Flirt:

There are 2 major keys and ways to build rapport:

#1 – Use whatever nature and your environment provides you with. Like the example above about the old, creepy guy.

One time I flirted and built rapport with a girl who worked at the front desk at the gym by pointing to her co-worker next to her and asking, “Wow, are you guys sisters?”

They both laughed, and even thanked me because they each took it as a compliment (meaning their “sister” was obviously much prettier than they were).

Immediately after I walked through the doors and layed eyes on those girls I had 2 thoughts: 1) They were both cute, and 2) They both looked extremely similar. I wanted flirt with at least one of them. So I used exactly what the environment provided to build rapport. You don’t have to worry about being the next Sigmund Freud. Don’t get trapped inside your head by overthinking.

#2 – Maybe the best way to build rapport is through role playing. Successful role plays I’ve used in the past almost always include the vacation role playing.

I will ask, “Wanna go the Bahamas and take shots as we party on the beach?”

One of the best ways to flirt is by role playing. Role play (flirt) you and her partying on the beach.

She’ll start talking about how much she loves the Bahamas, or she’ll suggest another place. Whatever the case, you and her now are sharing in your own role. Have fun with it.

Other possible role plays you could use:
– Future dates
– Getting married (or even divorced, then having makeup sex)
– Her stalking you (Didn’t you see a cute blonde hiding in a bush and peeking into your window earlier in the day?)


3) Is She right for you?

Thinking along the sales mindset that I discussed earlier, would you want to sell and finance a car for a customer who works minimum wage job at McDonald’s and a has a prior car repossession and bankruptcy on his credit report?

The reason why we flirt with girls isn’t only so they can become comfortable with us. They too must prove themselves worthy in the flirty dance. If they don’t, walk away.

If you’re not willing to walk away from a girl who is clearly not bringing anything to the table, than you’re desperate. And nothing repels women more than a desperate guy.

Being willing to walk from any girl (no matter how hot she is, a key part to having male confidence and good game.

How to Flirt:

You must always pursue and date multiple women. Women will say they don’t want this, but they do. They just don’t want anyone to know.

Preselection in women is a major indicator to her that you are a man worthy of having her. Furthermore (and most importantly), it means that you will have the burning confidence that she so desperately desires.

When your fingertips are leaving scratch marks on the lower back of a hot 22 year old skinny blonde named Jenny, as you pound her from behind, you’ll become a confident man.

Later that night you you attempt to flirt with Katie, a cute brunette who is 20 and studying for a college exam at a coffee shop. She gives you real short answers, “Yup, Ok, Sure,” and doesn’t smile at all. Seemingly, she is quite dull other than having a cute face.

You then walk away because you know you’re going back to Jenny’s house later and will be pinning her up against the wall as you slide her right leg up your left side while your tongues are swimming inside each others mouths.


4) Are a friend, creep, or lover?

A girl is going to classify into 1 of 3 categories(friend, creep, or lover) when you first begin flirt with her. Most guys end up in the friend category.

I witnessed this firsthand earlier today in a coffee shop. A guy, about 25, who was tall, slender, dark hair, and a neatly trimmed beard was on a clear first date with a cute, skinny, petite, long dark haired girl who was about 21.

I decided to take my book that I was reading and sit closer so I could get hear this guy’s game.

It sucked.

He talked about (I kid you not) Tom Brady being a 6th round draft pick, and his fantasy football league.

Fantasy football leagues are the opposite of how to flirt. Never discuss fantasy football when flirting. Learn how to flirt, not fantasy football.

These were the only questions he asked her: do you like dogs, and did you watch the NBA Finals?

She said no to liking dogs, at which point he proceeded to take out his smartphone and show her photos of his 2 dogs. He then talked about how “cute” both dogs were for 5 minutes.

She said didn’t watch the NBA Finals, but had friends who actually travelled to the game to witness it in person (AKA adventurous guys she wants to bang or is already banging).

Obviously this guy isn’t a potential lover. He’s a friend, but she has a million adoring guy friends and has no use for another. So, he’ll be deleted or blocked from her phone soon after she gets home.

A lover would have used the role play techniques I used earlier about going on a vacation to the Bahamas.

Heck, if I am getting the correct nonverbal signals (ie. her feet and knees pointing towards me, she’s touching me, etc), I’ll even ask if she’s ever kissed a girl before.

Point is – a girl has to know you are a sexual being or else you’re just another in her endless supply of adoring guy friends.

Remember – it’s all about if you’re comfortable with yourself. If you trust yourself, she’ll trust you.

Do you think for a second that the fantasy football date guy really wanted to talk about Tom Brady with the hot girl that he was just meeting? No, he wasn’t comfortable and confident in himself to discuss what he really wanted.

Be warned now – you will fall into the creep category if you start asking her if she ever kissed another girl before or what she dressed up as on Halloween if you ask at the wrong time.

In other words, if you are getting zero nonverbal attraction signals from her, don’t go sexual.

How to Flirt:

You must also be comfortable with yourself. If you’re not comfortable with yourself, she won’t be either, and you’ll soon find your mugshot on a sex offenders registry.

Basically, learn how to be comfortable with yourself or don’t try.

Here’s a good article that discusses female body language attraction signals in more depth: (Click Here to Read).

He doesn’t go into the female feet pointed in your direction (watch for that especially if you’re sitting next to her at a bar), but the what he covers are all good signs to look for.

Once you’re comfortable with yourself and understand female body language and attraction signals, don’t be afraid to bring up sexual topics in a fun way. Sex is fun. It’s actually much more fun for a girl (who is with the right guy, of course).

None of us would be alive today if 2 people didn’t bang. So, love it, embrace, and don’t be afraid of it. Just don’t be a creep when you do it.


If you remember what her mindset is as a female and you use a little bit of the game plan I provided you with, you’re already ahead of most of the guys in the world. So, go out, flirt, and have fun.

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