What do men need to know about online dating? What are the secrets that women and the dating sites won’t tell you?
Over the last several years, I’ve gone on good dates, bad dates, had great sex, bad sex, been flaked on, and been the one to flake. These encounters have come from dating sites and apps that include Tinder, Bumble, Match, Okcupid, and Eharmony.
Obviously, I wouldn’t spend any time on these sites and apps if they weren’t providing some sort of value.
And it seems as if online dating is the now the most widely accepted form in our culture of meeting potential dates.
But in the words of Mark Twain, “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”
So, realize that I understand there are benefits. And you should be using online dating, if for nothing else, to increase your abundance mentality in terms of women you date and sleep with.
But, here are my online dating warnings for men:
1) Girls NEVER look like they do in their pictures.
Women have learned to become masters of deceit when it comes to their online dating pictures. This is your warning.
Recently, as my thumb was swiping left and right on my iPhone’s screen, I saw the photos of a girl I knew. The reason I paused before I swiped left or right on them, and I tapped my screen to see their additional pictures, is because I wanted was memorized by how deceitful their photos were. I knew for a fact this girl was showing heavily doctored photos and/or photos from over two years ago. She looked like an 8. I just saw her the week before though. She’s a 3 in real life.
Essentially, you have to adapt the mindset that a girl who is an 8 in real life is going to look in her photos like she is a 10. Even worse, is that a girl who is a 7 is real life, will look like a 5 in her photos.
After over 100 online dates over the last five years, I can assure you that only about 10% of women look in real life as good as they do in their pictures. Only about 2% of the time will you meet a girl who actually looks better.
In fairness, I’ll mention that I’m sure if I were a woman writing this about men’s profiles, I’d write about how men lie about their height and income.
2) Girls become addicted to the attention.
Especially if a girl is new to Tinder or online dating, she will want to see what else is out there.
That means you better bang her on date number one because chances are high she will ghost on you soon after. No matter how great the date or sex was.
One time, after waking up next a girl I just slept with after our first date (and meeting on Okcupid), she showed me some of her messages. Literally, there were hundreds of messages sent every 30 minutes that all looked something like this:
“Hey beautiful, what’s up?”
“How’s it going?”
“How are you today?”
Rest assured, the herd of messages is annoying. But their ego loves it. And hidden between the stupid “Hey how are you” messages are great openers from guys like me. More often than not, she will want to continue testing the waters and receiving the constant stream of validation.
You can prevent this with very strong game, and never giving her any sign of validation, but after a while it can get tiresome.
3) You automatically are showing low value.
The last time I checked, a subscription to Match costed around $30 a month. Would a guy of high value need to spend $30 for a date? Think about it from a female mindset.
Yes, sites like Okcupid are free. But I argue that shows even lower value. Why? Because the selection on Okcupid is so hideous in 2018 that the fact that you’re searching for potential dates on there is like looking in a trash can for your next meal.
It’s more socially acceptable to be on Tinder or Bumble in 2018. But still. In the eyes of high value women, high value men shouldn’t need to be on Tinder. True confident men are meeting girls in real life.
4) You become too reliant on meeting girls online.
This happens to many men. After some small success, they begin to fit snug into their comfortable zone sending online messages to girls.
After all, who cares about being rejected by a girl when it’s online? Chances are, you’ll never see her. You can simply delete her rejection message and pretend like it never happened.
High value men, however, should embrace rejection. Unless you’re Brad Pitt or Derek Jeter, every guy gets rejected. It’s part of being a man. So be happy about it.
Plus, if you approach a woman in real life, say at the grocery market or mall, you automatically are putting yourself into the top 5% of all men in 2018. Since far too many guys have become way too reliant on the safety of meeting girls online, the guys who have the balls to approach a girl in public set themselves far above the pack. Take advantage of this!
5) Chances are high she will flake on you.
There is a 50% chance you will get flaked on.
Yes, a girl will flake on you even if you met her at a bar or the supermarket. But it’s much more likely you’ll get a text the morning of your scheduled first date that reads, “Sorry, I have a terrible stomach ache and have to cancel,” if you you met her online.
Why? Her investment is low. And since she has never seen you real life, she bases a lot about you off her experience with other men she met from online sites. Just like how women show more flattering photos of themselves, so do guys. Therefore, because the dude before you showed up with his beer belly popping out of his shirt and smelled like sweat, decided to sit across the table from her at on a dumbass date at the Olive Garden, and then took her to a movie and never once made a move – she’ll associate a lot about you with that guy.
In her head, she will be filled with last minute resistance the day of the date, and will say to herself, “Oh fuck, not this shit again.”
My advice is to always schedule at least 2 dates for the same time when meeting girls online. If none of them flake on you, then you can flake on the girl you like the least.
6) Chances are she has a boyfriend already.
I’ve dated several women off online sites and apps that had boyfriends but never told me. This happens a lot more than you think.
Basically, it’s almost as rare as a snowfall in May for a girl who is a 7 or above (with no kids and under 27) to be single.
Why will a girl with a boyfriend go on Tinder then? Easy. She had a fight. He ignored her on a Friday night so he could play video games, and now she is getting back at him. This is the kind of girl who will have regret. I highly advise you stay away, if you can (and know the truth), from a girl like this. I hate to say it, but this is the profile of a girl who is likely to file a false rape charge.
I repeat – if you can, stay the fuck away from a girl who like this.
Please know – I still advise to use online dating sites and apps. I have written several blogs that you should study and that will help you with dating sites and app (and will be posted more online dating advice articles/blogs soon):
Plus, I have plenty more blogs that give advice on text messaging. You can find them on my website.
With all that said, remember the warnings I wrote about above. Proceed with caution.