Why do married women stop having having sex with their husbands? If you’re a non-sex getting husband, you’re not creating tension.
I have a friend named (who I will call) Joe who recently married a woman named (who I will call) Marie. Joe, however, has sex more often with his right hand than he does with Marie.
Joe throws his arms up in the air and confides to me, “We have so much in common. We have the same sense of humor, love amusement parks, and even love going rock climbing together. I can’t believe she won’t have sex with me.”
He can’t believe it. But I can.
It’s simple – Joe has turned into Marie’s BFF. He’s not her lover.
In The Art of Seduction, Robert Greene wrote, “Erotic feeling depends on the creation of tension. Without tension, without anxiety and suspense there can be no feeling of release, of true pleasure and joy.”
Another friend, named Robert, suggested to Joe that he just walks into the steamy shower while Marie is naked with water dripping down, and get in and press himself against her as he grabs her long wet hair and kisses her.
Joe laughed at this suggestion and assured Robert that it would be a terrible idea.
I’m mixed on the idea. I think Joe needs to do a lot more than just show a sudden flash of boldness and dominance. But at least it’s an idea, and it’s better than staying the course which consists of Joe making more cute jokes, doing household chores for her, and settling for a peck on the lips.
Here’s what Joe should do:
1- Create a Fear of Loss
The number one thing a woman is attracted to is a man who can cheat – but doesn’t cheat. This is why I’m so against marriage. It basically eliminates the fear of loss. Well, you should at least be able to hint at it.
I know I harp on it all the time, but Joe needs to be in the gym. Look good, look confident, and make sure other women are checking you out. If there’s an opportunity to make a waitress smile when you’re eating at a restaurant – do it. Remember, the enemy of seduction is comfort.
2- Use Push – Pull Elements in Conversation
By this I mean Joe should use indirect digs and compliments. This may seem mean, but let’s remember that right now Joe is only showering Marie with words about how beautiful and funny she is. And Joe’s right hand is getting quite tired from all the sex it’s having with Joe.
In The Art of Seduction, Greene wrote, “By being harsh you create inner tensions – your targets may be upset with you, but they are also asking themselves questions. What have they done to earn your dislike? When you are then kind, they feel relieved, but also concerned that at any moment they might somehow displease you again.”
Point blank – people are bored. People desperately want to feel something, experience something instead of being a walking sheep. Don’t be afraid of stirring up emotions. It’s much better than no emotion.
3- Don’t Get Emotional
Right now Joe is self-inflicting much of his celibacy because he constantly complains to Marie about their lack of sex. In fact, Joe even once had an outburst in front of friends.
Contrary to what you might hear in the mainstream media, women are attracted to men who stay in their masculine essence. Masculine men always stay grounded. They don’t get over emotional. Women will do that. Their emotions will constantly change. That’s human nature. That’s okay.
This goes back to Joe confusion about the lack of sex because they’re “so similar.” Exactly. He’s her BFF, not her lover. He needs to stay in his masculine. Stay grounded. Enjoy her feminine nature, but don’t take on her femininity.
When their sex life resumes, then yes, Joe needs to initiate wild sex. Have sex in cars, public bathroom stalls, steamy showers, etc. Make and keep things exciting.
I’ll say it again – the enemy of seduction is comfort.