Why are men so bad at online dating? A few months ago I met a girl on an online dating site, and as I layed next to her on her bed in her dark room, she put her cell phone in my hand to see the messages she receives.
I must first come clean and admit that a few years ago I was a beer bellied, shy man with arms the size of a thread of string. I even had a girl leave me mid date for another guy she met in the restaurant when I went to the bathroom.
But as the glaring light of this girl’s cell phone hit my eyes in her dark room, I was stunned and saddened by the messages I saw from fellow men.
Almost all of the messages said the same thing, “Hey.” Hey? Really guys, is that the best we can do?
If she didn’t reply, and 99% of the time she didn’t, some men would send a second message to her which usually was something even more pathetic like, “Hey, I know you’re pretty busy, but I really wanted to see how you’re doing.”
All I could see on the faces of these men in their profiles was sadness. There were few smiles, most of the faces were pale just staring off into seemingly nothing. How they got that way is a blog for another day. My goal now is to help the best way I can which is in part why I’m writing this.
I have news for guys out there who have even the slightest amount of life success and wittiness – you are at a major advantage! I heard a stat once that 95% of women sleep with 5% of the men. The lack of quality amongst us men has never been worse.
So, here are some general online dating tips I have for men:
1) Meet Girls in Person Instead – By approaching a girl in person, you immediately put yourself in the top 10%. Most men are too frightened to ask out any girl unless they’re body is soaking in alcohol. Getting a, “Yes,” in person will grow your confidence a million times more than a, “Yes,” online will. Sure, rejection might sting. But be proud of yourself for putting yourself in the top 10% of all men by having the courage. After getting told, “No,” you can say yourself, “Go me!”
That said, it still can be wise to do online dating if you know what you’re doing. A key for men being successful in the dating world is having abundance. When a man has abundance, he is far less likely to become needy. And nothing repels women more than neediness. Trust me, your future beautiful wife in 10 years will be very thankful that you lived in a world of abundance for many years prior to her. So, if you have a busy schedule, it can be valuable to do online dating for abundance purposes even though meeting girls face-to-face is much better.
2) Have 3 – 4 Profile Pictures that Show You Having Fun – Instead of looking aimlessly into a camera with your Yankees baseball cap on backwards, have a picture that shows you in the middle of a group of smiling friends as you have both your arms over their shoulders. It’d be even better if you had some pictures with you and your cute female friends. A key to male-to-female attraction is being preselected by other women. This is called social proof, and Dr. Robert Cialdini dedicated an entire chapter to it in his world famous book Influence, The Psychology of Persuasion.
3) Have a Very Brief Profile – I hate to be the one to break it to you, but no one reads those profiles and no one cares what’s in them. The more junk you have in it like the list of your 20 favorite movies or cliches like, “Work hard, play hard,” will only make you seem more needy.
At the present time I only have a Tinder account running. I list my occupation as “Stripper” which is clearly meant to just be witty and different, and my profile only consists of one sentence about what an asshole I am.
A good idea is to actually look at the majority of profiles of other men, and do the exact opposite of whatever they’re doing.
4) Assume You’re the Prize – Too many guys are sending messages to girls willing to offer them the world when they have no idea who they really are. If you’re like how I used to be than you’re struggling with your own personal worth. One of the many things I did to improve my self worth was I wrote on paper all of the compliments I’ve received. I began adding to my list each time I got a new complement, and every morning I re-read my list. Know that you’re an amazing individual and have some talents that no one else has. In fact, you should also make a list of everything you like about yourself.
When you begin exchanging witty and flirtatious messages, keep them short, but also come from the frame that she is chasing you. Accuse them of “creeping” on your pictures. Once a girl messaged me and said she was familiar with the area that I lived in. So, I messaged back, “Are you stalking me? I thought I saw a cute blonde hiding in the bushes outside my window earlier.”
5) Have a Fun Date Planned – Are you looking for a pen pal? If not, stop acting like one. Your intent is to get a date. Ask her out and tell her she’s going to have fun. In fact, as I’m exchanging messages, I like to use future projection and even role play the fun we’ll have on our date.
And just so you know, I have a dating routine that I’ve mastered over several years of trial and error. I suggest you do the same thing and master your own routine. I’ll share my date routine in a upcoming soon blog post.
Oh, and if you haven’t caught on already – have a better opening message than “Hey.” Be witty and confident.
Whatever you do, love yourself. You’re an amazing person.